Fair Does

The Times reports that a 'child who had performed much better than a classmate in the Key Stage 2 English test was marked lower.'

Child A wrote about Pip Davenport, a fairground inventor, “If he wasent doing enthing els heel help his uncle Herry at the funfair during the day. And had stoody at nigh on other thing he did was invent new rides. “Becoues he invented a lot of new rides he won a prize. He didn’t live with his mum he lived with his wife.”

Child B wrote, “Quickly, it became apparent that Pip was a fantastic rider: a complete natural. But it was his love of horses that led to a tragic accident. An accident that would change his life forever. At the age of 7, he was training for a local competition when his horse, Mandy, swerved sideways unexpectedly, throwing Pip on to the ground, paralysed.”

'Both children were awarded five out of eight for sentence structure. Child A was given eight out of twelve for composition and effect while Child B received only seven marks.'

Performed much better?

The second script is punctuated well and using commas too often is open to taste. The correct use of a double point is impressive. The spelling conforms to standard usage, indeed the spelling of: apparent, led, forever, swerved, sideways, unexpectedly, and paralysed puts countless bloggers to shame. Usually numbers are written in full in such a text so the use of a numeral is failing to conform. Being severe, 'thrown to the ground', not 'on to the ground' conforms better.

The other text needs more extensive editing.

“If he [wasn't]wasent doing [anything]enthing [else]els [he would help]heel his uncle [Harry]Herry at the funfair during the day[,][delete .] [and]And had [to study]stoody at [night]nigh[insert full point] [One]on other thing he did was invent new rides. [Because]Becoues he invented a lot of new rides he won a prize. He didn’t live with his [M]mum [,] he lived with his wife.”

"If he wasn't doing anything else he would help his uncle Harry at the funfair during the day, and had to study at night. One other thing he did was invent new rides. Because he invented a lot of new rides he won a prize. He didn't live with his Mum, he lived with his wife."

“Quickly, it became apparent that Pip was a fantastic rider: a complete natural. But it was his love of horses that led to a tragic accident. An accident that would change his life forever. At the age of seven he was training for a local competition when his horse, Mandy, swerved sideways unexpectedly, throwing Pip to the ground, paralysed.”

The marks were fair. Child A speaks with a lively, observant, eleven year old voice. Child B has been tutored more to conform to objectives that have silenced that liveliness and produced a 'correct' but curiously sad text.

Rhetorical usage, standard spelling, punctuation, are essential. But child A has the edge in communicating time, place, personality and character. Pip the prizewinning fairground rides inventor comes alive, with an uncle Harry who is part of the funfair and whom he loves, studying in the evenings, and a Mum who one day he will no longer live with and, instead, a wife.

Having a horse called Mandy, who swerves, and being paralysed from the fall at seven?

We should be vey careful about imposing conformity at such a cost to insight, imagination, fantasy and the sharing of emotion.