Mr Embarrassing

To die of embarrassment barely begins to react to the ill-written, bombastic, lying nonsense spouted by the incompetent posing as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (what he vulgarly refers to as 'Britain') before the Parliament of Israel.

'Britain' would 'increase the pressure on Teheran until President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad halted his atomic programme'. So Brown can set up 40 nuclear power stations, over riding current planning laws to do so, but the Iranians had better watch their step or Cowardy Custard will 'increase pressure' on them.

"Our country will continue to lead, with the US and our European partners [mass leadership then? A sort of rabble at the front, more than a United Kingdom leadership here. And we do not have 'European partners', we have an uneasy association with a European Union that regards its foreign policy as theirs to impose and ours to accept, now all vetoes we could have used have been thrown away by Executive act rather than democratic decision] in our determination to prevent an Iranian nuclear weapons programme. We stand ready to lead [thought you were leading already, sort yourself, or at least your thoughts on this issue, out] in taking firmer sanctions,".

'Turning on Mr Ahmadinejad, [bet he didn't flinch], the Prime Minister said': "To those who believe that threatening statements fall upon indifferent ears we [who is we, precisely? Certainly you, Brown, do not speak for America or for the European Union] say in one voice that it is totally abhorrent for the President of Iran to call for Israel to be wiped from the map of the world." [Well, usually we say 'the face of the Earth' but something from your mind has entered the mind of your speech writer and infected it with infelicitous use of word, gesture and rhetorical device. Are we surprised? No, you could and have spoiled anything and everything, not just the lives but even the minds of others, Brown].

Mr Brown stressed his own personal attachment to Israel, [Angels do not know the universal and instantaneous lament that will spring to the lips of Jews the world over at the revelation that the ultimate Jonah has embraced their being, but lament away now] recalling how his father, a Church of Scotland Minister, paid frequent visits to the country. [That speaks for itself. Jonahism is hereditary it seems.] "For the whole of my life, I have counted myself a friend of Israel". [All Angels can say here is 'Jesus'].

He added: "Britain is your true friend. [Thank goodness they know that 'Britain' is a virtual rather than real power, being as they are from Israel and therefore very sharp]. A friend in difficult times as well as in good times, [what kind of friends does Brown have? unfortunate revelation of self and circumstances here] a friend who will stand beside you whenever your peace, your stability and your existence are under threat; a friend who shares an unbreakable partnership based on shared values of liberty, democracy and justice. [Share those values with Brown and you can give up the ghost].

"Britain and Israel continue to stand together. [Where, exactly, would that be? We all wish Israel well, as they do us, so what's all this standing about then?] So to those who question Israel's right to exist and threaten the lives of its citizens through terror we [We, who, precisely?] say: the people of Israel have a right to live here, to live freely and to live in security." [So does everybody. All people who on Earth do dwell.... thought his father was a priest. Is that a lie too?]

However, [Don't you just loathe that however word. It means invariably that everything that has gone before was a load of lies. Still, anyone condemned to listen to Brown trying to say G'Day in Hebrew and muffing it (is that a word or action allowed close to the word Brown these days?, should be unsurprised at its entrance], Mr Brown added that Israel itself [as opposed to some other Israel?] needed to make concessions to its neighbours to secure "a historic hard won and lasting peace" which had been brought within reach by the cooperation of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas - Israel's "best partner of a generation". [It is here that expiry from embarrassment occurs. What, on Earth, business is this of the unelected, Scottish, derided, contemptible so-called prime, minister of, heaven help us, our country?]

He urged Israel to create the conditions for a final agreement [not the happiest choice of words - final agreement - try not to say final anything when at the table of Jewish friends and pretending to speak for us, Brown] by "freezing, and withdrawing from settlements." [And stop wasting food; anything can be frozen and got out later for some horrific, Brownian meal].

He added "like many of your friends, [Angels would add enemies too] I urge you to make these decisions."

One member of the Israeli parliament heckled as Mr Brown delived what he described as his "honest analysis." [Only the one? Quite some level of contempt].

'The prime minister had tried to begin his speech in Hebrew but struggled with the pronunciation of "nazal tov", or good fortunes, and "shalon Aleichem" or peace to unto you.' (Telegraph) [It's that weird jaw position, set permanently to telling lies. It doesn't do good wishes, never mind truth].