Bill Quango, Esq., MP, has sought advice for 'a friend' whose love object resists every advance. The friend has openly, publicly, perhaps foolishly allowed his desire to be on display in all its unnatural strength. Despite a courteous but firm rejection of overtures, the friend insisted on crossing oceans to attempt a chance meeting. Met by mere kindness and a cup of tea, he insisted on the offering of inappropriate gifts which led to all gifts being returned, no matter how small, forth with. After a period of quiescence the 'friend' renewed his assault upon the object of his affections this week, using the opportunity offered by both being required to work briefly in the same building. Five times intermediaries of various statuses were employed, outside of their proper work and duties, to press the friend's unwelcome suit. Five times repulsed, despite being offered fire power and drugs that really don't belong to the 'friend' and are not his to offer.
Let me say straight away that humbling your love object by driving them through the kitchens of your mutual, if temporary, workplace and pinning them up against the prep tables and cold stores is a no-no. Any number of films and novels in which the kitchens are the escape route of choice should warn you that if you are there, you are not in the right place for a walk and talk.
Walking and talking takes place in rose gardens.
What can be done? Your 'friend', Mr Quango, must recognise that cultural difference puts an ocean between them. The gifts he can offer are those of an elderly, married man with a mean and tainted past, with an uncertain but probably ignominious future. He has literally thrown away the possibility of friendship and the pleasures of occasional meeting with his object, who will undoubtedly take measures to ensure their social circles no longer intertwine.
To be so inappropriately in love is, of course, the stuff of many tragicomedies. Is your friend all right in the head?
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