The Polls Are Not So Bad That Labour Cannot Be Required To Face An Election Now

The Queen, it might be imagined quite reasonably asked the Prime Minister last Tuesday why the Parliament should not be dissolved forthwith, before matters got any worse - which they have. Equally it is possible to imagine his response. A response that would be a mixture of attempted bullying and servility. The servility first, if he had his temper under the control of his medication.

Global scale events that started elsewhere (surely even Brown has stopped insulting America?) have brought down the best laid plans of mice etc. (What is it with Scottish people and mice? Or Spaniards and bulls, the French and...but I digress). To go to the country now would yield unlevel playing fields, Etonian or otherwise, disadvantage the interests of hardworking families, a longer perspective while policies I have initiated internationally are given the time to work through... speaking as Saviour of the World I can assure you Madam Chairperson, I mean Ma'am, that hanging on is in my best interests and those of my supporters.

And who are your supporters, Prime Minister? Ah, well thereby hangs a tail (oh no, mice again) I mean tale.

We are committed to Progressive Politics, Ma'am, post democratic and modern. Our fellow Progressives both at home and in the United Kingdom, believe in global solutions to global problems that started somewhere else. And it is not fair, not fair to us and to hard working families everywhere, to ask us to produce a democratic mandate in a post democratic Progressive environment when we are not going to win in a month of Sundays (on which we shouldn't vote anyway, even though most are free on Sundays and might nip in on the way to the pub - son of the manse, Ma'am fully kitted out with oath to hypocrisy and moral compass). Anyway, apart from all that, Ma'aaaam, Watch It. The election is mine to call when I choose, and yours to concede the minute I say so. And next time I'd better be given a chair, I'll not stand here like a numpty you....(notices has been empty roomed, picks up ground-in Nokia from underfoot).